Have you ever met anyone that is exactly as you? The answer obviously is “no”. There are no people that are the same. Everything in this universe is unique, including you. It only makes sense that you would consider yourself a unique mother.
It’s interesting that many of us moms strive to be the “perfect mom”. What is a perfect mom anyway? We build an ideal in our heads and we sometimes live up to it, sometimes not. What I’ve noticed is that many of us hurt ourselves with negative self talk when it comes to our mothering decisions and whether or not we have lived up to the ideal. Often these thoughts are unconscious and we have little awareness about them. It can be challenging to be at peace about who you are as a mother when you are not aware of your own mental chatter. One of my favourite mentors, Robin Sharma says quite simply that awareness leads to better choices and better choices lead to better results. We need to apply this to ourselves when it comes to our role as a mother.
Consciously designing your own mothering style with confidence is key in order for mothers to be at their best. As a mother reading this article, I want you to be confident. I want you to be aware of the choices you make for you and your family. I want you to embrace yourself and accept who you are.
Whether you are married or single, the way you fully own your mothering style will directly impact your children. What we want for the future generation is for each child to know who they are at the core and find ways to fully express their uniqueness in the world. Being a role model for them is essential. Therefor we need to allow our uniqueness to shine.
Recently, I was chatting with a friend who told me that despite having a young child she decided to furnish her living room with a beautiful white couch. This women is gorgeous inside and out and very stylish. She is giving herself permission to express her creativity and shine. I can totally see her enjoying time with her daughter (on her new couch!) even though many people might say a white couch is not a good idea with young children.
I have another friend who chose a long time ago to build a company that would allow her to live with complete freedom. She loves a global lifestyle and she contributes as a leader to thousands of people worldwide. With a young infant at home, her decision is to continue to travel, mentor others and continue to grow as a human being. In 2013 she is travelling to more than a dozen locations around the world and she does it with her baby boy and fiance.
The kind of mother you choose to be ultimately needs to be based on your values. Creativity and freedom are definitely core values of the friends I mentioned. What inspires me is to see women like them in touch with their values and acting in alignment with them. When I meet such women I feel their confidence. It is apparent to me that their choices are driven by an inner knowing not by outside pressures or old conditioned thinking.
Dr. Christiane Northrup covers the topic of mothering style in her best-selling book Mother-Daughter Wisdom. It’s her book that actually inspired me to write about the topic. Dr. Northrup challenges us to look at where we position ourselves within the spectrum of traditional and modern mother.
I invite you to write about your personal mothering style. Answer the following questions:
- What kind of mother am I?
- What are my core values?
- How do I live these values everyday and what I am teaching my kids as a result?
- What do I need to adjust in order to be even more true to myself?
As I reflect on this topic I realize that being a great mother is not so much about meeting incredibly high standards in every aspects of the role. It is much more about knowing who you are and the kind of mother you are. When you have the ability to embrace your own mothering style, you can then cut yourself some slack and begin to really enjoy the journey. I don’t think our kids need us to be supermoms. What they really need is for us to be real and authentic. The acceptance and love we can demonstrate to ourself is a an amazing model for them and ultimately gives them the space to live their life happy and authentically as well.